The Eighth Wonder
I was in the green wood trick-or-treating
I came upon some Wiccan chicks meeting
They gave me candy
It tasted dandy
But I found the bliss to be too fleeting
They said, 'well, Sheela you can savor
If you feel you're man enough to brave her
In yonder hollow
She's poised to swallow
You merely need to sign this waiver"
I was oh, so excited
I was dancing a reel and a jig-ee
As I sped down the trail
On my way to nail Sheela na Gig-ee
Now the wee ones find me most appealing
I've had young Pygmy women squealing
Had midgets moaning
Some gnome girl groaning
A Lilliputian priestess kneeling
And though it's size the guys are flaunting
My little apple's never left Eve wanting
As for her daughters
I've snaked their waters
Some say their garden I'm still haunting
As a rule, chicks could make
A right satisfying meal of my fig-ee
(Make a meal of his figgy)
Well, the insatiable exception
Was the Sheila called Sheela na Gig-ee
I made my way up to her altar
I prayed my fella wouldn't falter
I asked for blessing
Began caressing
She anointed me with oyster dressing
And then the walls closed in around me
Her mammoth lips, they up and downed me
She stripped me naked
Said, 'hey, let's make it
You'll never find a place more sacred"
I thought I'd seen most every wonder
I never thought to look for one down under
And goodness gracious
Her place was spacious
Her expectations most fallacious
I was in about as deep as one can get
That's when she asked me, 'is it in yet?"
I couldn't jive her
We didn't jibe
Her Volvo was just too big for my driver
When my raised mast sailed past their islands
The Sirens observed a moment of silence
My dinghy one fifth
The stuff of Greek myth
Their lips were sealed like virgin hymens
But when Odysseus made the same trip
And those same birds eyed his massive flagship
They sang some shanties
They shed their panties
They tempted him with their steamed clam dip
Sure, and he was the first
To get Circe to squeal like a piggy
(Yeah, she squealed like a piggy)
But even his girth proved worthless
When he tried to pork Sheela na Gig-ee
After sex with the Goddess
You might feel like a ciggie
But you'd best watch your ash
If you're still inside Sheela na Gig-ee
Autor(es): Robert Steven Reiser, Scott Henry Fray
