Bob Rivers

12 Days of Layoffs

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On the first day of Christmas my company gave to me
A pink slip for under the tree

On the second of Christmas my company gave to me
2 days to pack
And a pink slip for under the tree

On the third day of Christmas my company gave to me
3 Bic pens
Is that right 2 days to pack?
And a pink slip for under the tree

On the fourth day of Christmas, I gave my company
4 letter words
3 more pens
Well I�m gonna take this lamp too, then
And a pink slip for under the tree

On the fifth day of Christmas my company gave to me
5 days of sleep
4 letters words
3 bic pens
And this stapler and my coat rack and�
A pink slip for under the tree

On the sixth day of Christmas, my company gave to me
Six months of Cobra
5 days of sleep
Wake up you freaking monkey, it�s almost break time!
Oh, thanks. Is the roach coach here yet?
And a pink slip for under the tree

On the seventh day of Christmas my company gave to me
7 check a �bouncing
Oh, dear!
6 months of Cobra
5 days of sleep
I got your bonus right here!
3 lousy pens
I�m calling security
And a pink slip for under the tree

On the eighth day of Christmas my company gave to me
8 hours of drinking
I have never bounced a check in my life
5 day of sleep
You big Goofbag!
Bunch of Sticky notes
Can I at least keep thee pocket protector?
And a pink slip for under the tree

On the ninth day of Christmas my company gave to me
9 cans a cat food
8 hours of drinking
Could you not breathe on me please?
I can�t afford Cobra
5 days of sleep
4 festive words
3 Bic pens
Only 2 days to pack
And a pink slip for under the tree
I got a blue one

On the tenth day of Christmas my company gave to me
10 workers weeping,
There, there missy, it�s gonna� get a lot worse than this
God, I hope my kids don�t get sick
Want some cat food?
5 days of sleep
Bite me!
Do I hear sexual harassment?
Would you help me carry this copier to my car, please?
And a pink slip for under the tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas my company gave to me
Eleventh hour pleading
10 workers weeping
You know I know a guy that�ll hire all three of you girls, sight unseen
And you get to work with a cobra, imagine that!
5 days of sleep
4 letter words
I �m warning you!
Can�t we all just get along?
And a pink slip for under the tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas my company gave to me
12 employees bumming
I know girls, I know
Say, you girls need a ride home? I got my par carked right out front?
Five days of sleep
I gave this place the best years of my life and they gave me the shaft!
And a pink slip for under the tree
Tree? What tree? We�re not gonna be able to afford a tree!

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Bob Rivers en Marzo