If I Owned a Midget (Midget Named Gordo)
Midget,
He's a midget,
Midget,
Mi-mi-mi-mi-midget,
Midget,
He's a midget,
"Hey you guys, WORD!"
Midget,
He's a midget,
Midget,
Mi-mi-mi-mi-midget,
Midget,
"W-w-w-w-word"
"The little man knows all"
Life's got me mad,
But if I had a midget I'd be glad
To watch him jump around on my Nintendo power pad
He'd have a big head, short legs and long torso
The name that I'd give my pet midget is little Gordo
I'd teach him tricks like back flips and side kicks
When company came over he'd preform and get tips
While I'm eatin' at night,
In the kitchen he'd be able,
To get the food scraps that I threw under the table
If my midget was ever bad,
And acted in rage,
Then I'd take him to the bathroom,
And put him in his cage
But if he kept actin' up and really made me sick
I'd hang him upside down, and poke him with a stick
Little Gordo
Would be good, mosta the time though,
He'd like to wear a helmet and run around yelling "hiyo"
I'd take I'm for walks in the park on the weekends
And if he saw other midgets he'd say "can we be friends?"
He'd only need a 3 foot coffin when he was dead,
And he be in the Guinness book for the worlds biggest head
What a funny little fellow,
But don't call him a shrimp,
Or he'll attack your legs cause Gordo's a tough gimp!
He'd have a pogo ball that he'd bounce on for hours,
And dirty little fat head Gordo wouldn't take showers
When Halloween came,
He wouldn't be a chump,
Gettin' all the candy goin' around as a tree stump
Midget,
He's a midget,
Midget,
Mi-mi-mi-mi-midget,
Midget,
He's a midget,
"Hey you guys, WORD!"
Midget,
He's a midget,
Midget,
Mi-mi-mi-mi-midget,
Midget,
"W-w-w-w-word"
"Like a midget at a urinal... I was gonna have to stay on my toes"
Sometimes my friends would chase Gordo with a gun,
It'd be fun,
Because midgets wobble when they run
They're so close to the ground,
And so easy to kick
They're so slow in the head,
And so easy to trick
Gordo could do somersaults,
His special thing
At the fair I would make him enter mud wrestling
Sometimes he wears stilts,
And pretend to be tall
So I'd kick him over,
And then I'd laugh at him fall
Silly little Gordo,
Just be yourself
I'd put wood on his head,
And he'd just be a shelf
He'd do funny little dances,
But that's irrelevant
At the beach Gordo got attacked by pelicans
He had a girlfriend once,
But she was an ogre,
It didn't last long cause he couldn't fuck her sober
Gordo had a problem,
Gordo wet the bed,
So I'd make him wear diapers on his ass and his head
He'd have to clean up his own cage himself,
And if he lost a little weight he'd be Keebler elf
He'd really be somthin',
My mangled little munchkin,
Plus his head would be larger than any big pumpkin
This perfect little fool would make a perfect foot stool,
Sometimes I'd kick him in the head and say "BITCH BE COOL",
I'd have a great life,
I'd be happy I know,
If I only owned a pet midget named Gordo,
Midget,
He's a midget,
Midget,
Mi-mi-mi-mi-midget,
Midget,
He's a midget,
"Hey you guys, WORD!"
Midget,
He's a midget,
Midget,
Mi-mi-mi-mi-midget,
Midget,
"W-w-w-w-word"
