George Carlin

Answering Machines


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And answering machines. Starting with people who think it's cute to let their children record the outgoing message. And you can't understand a word of it cause the kids a fuckin' imbecile.
Hi my name is Stacy, i'm 5 years old, and my parents aren't here right now but beep.
Here's my message Stacy:

I'm comin' over to your house with a big knife.
Then I'm going to kill mommy and daddy.
Then I'm gonna peel off their skin and make a funny hat.
Then I'm gonna pull out my big ding dong and stick it in your beep