Constant Disarray
Fuck this, I don't even know what to say
I've been trying to write this shit for days
Forcing myself to reinforce the positivity to distract myself from all these fucking thoughts in my brain
This depression's had an overstay
I can't keep smoking days away
I can't keep watching time decay
Letting this shit push my girl away
Man, that's fucking insane
Grandma just tell me "Sit down and pray, let him show you the way"
But who the fuck is God? Man, I don't even believe myself
Staring at that whiskey on the shelf but I know that shit won't help
I said "who the fuck is God?" Man, I don't even believe in myself
Staring at that .45, wanna cock it back, I'm scared that might help
When I was younger I never thought I'd see myself in this position
When you as numb as me, it don't matter who the fuck you missing
Your momma, daddy & friends gone missing
Everything just feels so different
So hard to accept that they might not fit within the vision but I still have faith...
I still have faith
I still have faith
I still have faith
That there are ways to stop the ache, I just can't down another 1/8th
This is my attempt to put my pain in it's place and replace it with confidence if I can find the space
How much more can I take? Bent up, really hoping I don't break
I just need to stop the ache, I just can't down another 1/8th
This is my attempt to put my pain in it's place and replace it with confidence if I can find the space
Put everybody else above me, myself is the only person I've betrayed
This ain't Sha, who the fuck have I portrayed?
Tell that mother fucker that I'd like to smile again one day
Really, I got a lot to say, so I had to put my life up on display
I don't remember how to appreciate those good days
My attitude has changed
I just can't seem to break away
How can I end this fucking pain?
I feel a constant disarray
Don't listen to the voices, Sha
I know it's hard to disobey
End it all
Make the fucking self-doubt go away
Where the fuck do you go when you can't run away?
I don't really know the play
I just take it day to day
Floating through time, lost in a cloud of anxiety
So stuck in the moment, wish someone would just show a sign to me
'Cause I don't know what but I'm in desperate need of something
It's like every time I get up on my feet I just can't stop stumbling
There are times when I dry my eyes just so you won't know
All these years I've shed tears have watered the seeds, now it's time to grow
'Cause I still have faith...
I still have faith
I still have faith
I still have faith
That there are ways to stop the ache, I just can't down another 1/8th
This is my attempt to put my pain in it's place and replace it with confidence if I can find the space
How much more can I take? Bent up, really hoping I don't break
I just need to stop the ache, I just can't down another 1/8th
This is my attempt to put my pain in it's place and replace it with confidence if I can find the space
Writer/s: Sha Tillman
