Alix Olson

Armpit Hair (Mammally Factual)

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There were no seats on the subway
So i had to grab a strap
As i lifted up my arm i heard a scream "what's that?"
I took a look around,
I thought "there must be something scary".
Like a lion or a tiger or the virgin mary?
But then, i noticed they were looking at me.
I heard "oh my gawd! they're hairy!"

You turn thirteen, they put a razor in your hand
To teach you the difference between a woman and a man.
You see, chicks smooth their pits
So boys can smooth the chicks.
But i was different, i wanted to smooth the chicks,
I wanted to lick their pits!

Armpit hair! armpit hair! (i like it)
Armpit hair! armpit hair! (spike it, spike it!)

I was walking around brooklyn
When these cool guys drove by
They said "we're looking for a good time baby,
Wanna ride?"
I flashed my biggest smile,
I said "hey, sounds like fun"
Then i flash my armpit hair. they turn. they run.

Armpit hair! armpit hair! (it's a weapon)
Armpit hair! armpit hair! (use discretion)

Well, i hear that the senate is planning a convention
To pass an amendment
On body hair prevention. i'm planning on attending,
I'll be sitting in the front row.
I'll have chains on my pits screaming
"hell no, it won't go!"
I'm like inspector gadget, when i unfurl my curls
I lasso all the bad guys, then i rope in all the girls.
Well, i figure i owe 'em cause they saved me
From the clueless and the hairless patriarchy!

Armpit hair, armpit hair! (you know it)
Armpit hair! armpit hair! (grow it, grow it!)

Well, i want to go to europe, the land of brave and free
Where it's considered natural for girls to be hairy.
Where gillette don't make a profit off of
Keeping womyn busy
As pleasers with their shavers
And their razors and their tweezers.

So to all the boys and the men
With the furry, furry masses
With the ape like backs
And the very hairy asses.
I don't find that particularly pretty
So get your opinion out of my hairy pitty.

Armpit hair! (forget..) armpit hair! (gillette)
Armpit hair! (don't cut it) armpit hair!
(rapunzel swung from it!)

They say, "cut your clits and shave your pits,
And cover your tits!"
We say- bullshit.
Cause i use my curls to be at one with the world
Like when i'm out camping
And i lay myself to rest
I sleep with my arms up
So the birdies can nest.
So stop and reconsider just what they consider natural
Cause armpit hair is simply
Mammally factual.

Writer/s: Alix Olson