Fred Small

Dig a Hole in the Ground, or, How to Prosper During the Coming Nuclea

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You hear so many rumors sometimes you get confused
But I read it in Time Magazine and I heard it on the news
We'll see dramatic changes in the lifestyle we enjoy
If those megatons of atom bombs are actually employed.
The scenarios are scary, oh, but they don't worry me
Since I received a pamphlet from a federal agency
It's got diagrams and checklists and I read it front to back
And it told me what to do in case of nuclear attack: Just
Dig a hole in the ground, and climb right on down
Lay some boards on top of you and sprinkle dirt around
You won't have to be dead if you only plan ahead
You'll be glad you kept a shovel on hand!
Now you can't just go picking any old place to dig your hole
Got to take a ride to the countryside to the town where you are
If your plates are odd-numbered please don't panic, you'll be
Just politely let those even-numbered cars go first in line
If you don't have a car, just hail a cab or ride your bike
You can climb aboard the Amtrak train, sit back, and enjoy the
You and thousands of your city friends will be welcomed
By townfolk who will show you country hospitality--then
We're sure to give you notice up to seven days before
But it's wise to recognize the warning signs of nuclear war
If the temperature is rising in a flash of blinding light
Grab your toothbrush and a flashlight and shut the windows tight
If the wind is blowing wicked and there's buildings in the air
Blisters on you body, fire in your hair
If the tupperware is melting and your dinner plans are wrecked
Stay calm, it's time to put this foolproof plan into effect:

Writer/s: FRED SMALL

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