What happened in my life

What has happened in this life?
What has happened with my fate?
That today I had to meet
death face to face.

Things are happening in these times.
Something is happening this winter.
I go out searching for heaven
and find hell in its place.

Who can understand human nature?
I look in all my books.
One day they offer all,
next day give you nothing.

And when its nothing you want
and the door is closed
and the lines are all crossed,
who will look my way?

I do not like schemes,
least of all computation.
I have started to love books
and to hate television.

Maybe I shall leave my guitar
and start driving a truck,
and as time goes on
even wish for understanding.

I felt myself a river wide
for steamers and ships to navigate.
I am not even a muddy ditch
for a toy boat to sail in.

What is the value of words
if you don’t hear what is spoken?
Why unhold a position
if it does not express your values?

What is the use of having flowers
if you can’t distinguish their colour?
Of what good is trust
if you have no hope?

How empty I have become.
What empiness surrounds me.
I wanted to step on firm ground
but where I walk I sink.

If one could be an organgrinder
with a parrot bringing luck
I would go down to the slums
to get lost among the people,
to wish them so much luck,
that there be life and no more death.
May they have heaven
without paying a price.